The Modern Wiccan Handparting and Its Meaning

The term ‘handparting’ is used by many modern Wiccans and some pagans to indicate a divorce. At the handfasting, the Wiccan equivalent of marriage, the couple swore to remain together ‘as long as the love shall last.’ If, at some point, the couple decides that the love between them no longer exists, the couple is permitting a handparting to sever the union.

Morality of a Handparting

In some religious traditions, divorce is seen as a negative, a violation of the vows given at the time of marriage. Most commonly, these vows include, ‘’til death do us part.’ In Wicca, however, this vow is not given, and so the handparting is an end to the relationship without this difficulty. Wiccans do not generally see divorce as a negative occurrence.

Appropriate Time for a Handparting

Any time agreed upon by the couple is appropriate for a handparting. Usually only after both parties have agreed that the handfasting is truly over. If the original handfasting was also a legal marriage, then in general, the handparting occurs at a time around when the divorce is also final and legal; some couples may choose to do this sooner. If the handfasting did not involve civil law, then the handparting will not either.

Who Should Participate in a Handparting?

At the minimum, the priest or priestess and the couple should be present for the handparting. However, if one of the couple cannot be present, for whatever reason (relocation, health, possibly restraining order?), then another of the appropriate sex may stand in for the missing party. This is permitted only if there is a signed agreement from the other party. Without this, a separate ritual, perhaps a ritual of emotional release, would be more appropriate than a handparting.

Family and friends can be involved, if the couple so chooses. Children of the couple, unless they are adults and choose to participate, should generally not be involved.

The Ceremony

The exact ceremony will differ according to the wishes of the couple, and generally follows the pattern of most Wiccan rituals. The ritual can be either very short and to the point, and longer, allowing time for emotional reflection. Regardless of the length of the ritual, it is common to incorporate the following components.

The ceremony must be opened. This usually involves the casting of the circle and the calling of the quarters. These may be specific to the handparting. For example, when the quarters are invoked, they may be invoked as:

East as Wisdom

South as Decision

West as Clarity

North as Strength

This is not necessary, but can be a nice touch.

The priest or priestess will at this point usually ask both parties to confirm their intentions. How this is done is at the discretion of the couple. For some rituals, the priest or priestess will ask a question such as:

Has the time come that your love has ended and you wish for the parting of your hands?

In other cases, the priest or priestess will ask, “Why have you come here?” and the couple must answer in their own words. The goal is that the couple parts in peace, and so the ritual will reflect that. Sometimes, depending on the wishes of the couple, the priest or priestess will also ask about provisions make for the division of property and the care of any children of the marriage, but often, in the case of less amicable handpartings, this is left to other venues, such as a lawyer’s office.

At this point, rituals are very different indeed. In some cases, the ritual will simply be closed, and the couple goes their own separate ways. Sometimes, there may be a few words from the priest or priestess, or from the couple themselves. If there was a handfasting cord, this is now cut, and typically burned. If there was a handfasting chalice, this is usually shattered. The pieces are either kept by the participants or scattered in flowing water. This washes away the bonds of commitment, freeing the couple to pursue other relationships.

In some cases, where the couple intends to remain friends afterwards, a meal may be shared. If there is a great deal of animosity, this would not occur. After this has occurred (if it does at all), the circle would be opened, symbolizing a return to normal time and space. The couple then goes their separate ways.

A handparting is not seen as a failure of a handfasting or marriage. Rather, the couple is assumed to have grown and changed, as all do. And in their growth, they have found that their love is no longer what it once was. This is not a failure, but a natural conclusion to a relationship. This is not to say that all couples will or should experience a handparting. But if a couple is lead to this path, then they are not to be judged for their choice.

The Modern Wiccan Handfasting and Its Components

Handfasting is the word many Wiccans and some Pagans use for marriage ceremony. Unlike some other forms of marriage, the Wiccan rite does not promise “’til death do you part.” Instead, the Wiccan ceremony joins a couple “for as long as the love shall last.” If the love between the couple should dissolve, they are free to go their separate ways.

Components of Modern Handfastings

These days, most Wiccans will write their own handfasting rites. There are many examples that can be found on the internet alone. A quick search for “handfasting rite” or “handfasting ritual” will produce many results. In general, modern Wiccan weddings may follow this outline (with certain steps omitted, based upon the complexity of the ceremony):

• Preparation
• Consecration
• Processional
• Circle Casting
• Quarter Calling
• Bride’s Arrival
• Vows
• Closure
• Recessional

Not all of these will necessarily be included, but the more complex rituals will have most of them. A brief explanation of each step is below.

Preparation for a Handfasting Ceremony

Preparing the handfasting ritual site will vary according to the preferences of the couple, and the site chosen. Usually, an altar and ceremonial circle are erected, but the details are completely different from one ritual to the next. In more complex rituals, separate areas (tents or rooms) will be required. For the more simple ceremonies, a single site will do.

Wiccan Handfasting Consecration

Before the bridal party begins to enter the ritual site, the Priest or Priestess usually briefly cleanses the ceremonial space. This is known as consecration. Sometimes this is done before the guests are seated, but it is almost never omitted.

Processional in a Handfasting Ceremony

At some point, the bridal party does have to enter the ritual site. Usually, the groom and attendants will enter at his point. Whether the bride enters now is personal preference. Some couples like to have some bits of ceremony, such as the casting of the circle, in between the arrival of the bride and groom. Other will choose to have the bride within the circle when it is cast.

Circle Casting

A common element of most Wiccan rituals is the casting of the circle. This occurs now, and can be a standard casting, or something special, created specifically for a handfasting. A common circle casting at weddings might be:

Creature of the Earth, where thou art cast,

Let no adverse purpose last,

Not in complete accord with me,

As I will, so shall it be.

Quarter Calling

For a handfasting, the calling of the quarters is usually something a little more specific to the setting. The following may be appropriate:

Powers of East, Powers of Air, I call thee forth.

Come forth and bear witness to [bride] and [groom], who have come to know great love for one another.

Hail and Welcome!

This would, of course, be altered for each of the four quarters.

Bride’s Arrival During the Handfasting

If the bride didn’t arrive during the processional, she must at this point enter the circle, in a manner appropriate to the particular ritual used. Flower girls are quite common at handfastings, and usually precede the bride.

Wiccan Handfasting Vows

The exact vows spoken are almost never the same from one ceremony to the next. However, many Wiccan ceremonies have several phases of the ‘vows’ component. These may include commissioning; legality and capacity; and vows.

During commissioning, the Priest or Priestess speak of what handfasting entails, and the duties and responsibilities of the parties involved; the exact nature of this is usually decided on by the couple, in consultation with the Priest or Priestess.

Legality and capacity relates to the nature of the marriage (i.e. whether it will be a legal marriage.). If the handfasting is also to be a legal marriage, there are certain questions and assertions that must take place; these are governed by local governments, and are the responsibility of the person performing the marriage ceremony.

Vows are usually written by the couple, the vows are traditionally where the couple agrees to share their lives together, for as long as love exists between them.

Closure of the Handfasting Ceremony

Even the most beautiful of ceremonies must come to and end. This is usually announced by the Priest or Priestess, but in some cases, the couple may choose to do this. The circle must be closed and the quarters dismissed. Also, some couples choose to incorporate a broom jump. Finally, a pronouncement is made, declaring the couple married.

Handfasting Recessional

The bridal party must exit the ritual area in a manner of their choosing. After this, pictures and a reception usually follow, as with most modern wedding ceremonies.

No matter what ceremony you use, the handfasting should be a beautiful and memorable event. Flowers and décor should not be overlooked. For those non-pagan guests, a program to assist in following the ceremony might be in order. A well-planned handfasting does take work, but is definitely worth the effort.

The Art of Recording and Remembering Dreams

Before tackling the idea of interpreting dreams, before deciding whether or not to use a dream dictionary, a dream must be remembered. This isn’t always an easy task, especially for someone who isn’t used to remembering their dreams.

Preparing to Remember Dreams

For the most part, people don’t remember their dreams because they’ve been ignoring them. Some believe that the "higher self" has ceased attempting to pass on the information to the conscious mind because the conscious mind isn’t accepting the data. In this situation, it's believed that the mind must be programmed and trained to remember dreams.

Meditation and affirmation are commonly regarded as some of the best methods for conditioning the mind to remember dreams. During an evening meditation, conducted immediately before going to sleep, it is important to repeat this mantra: “I will remember my dreams.” This should be repeated several times, until the mind absorbs the idea.

The Dream Journal

It does no good to wake up after a particularly profound dream simply to scramble around the entire house looking for a scrap of paper and a pencil. It pays to be a little more organized about the entire process.

A pad of paper and a pencil should be placed next to the bed, within easy reach. This act itself aids in the remembering process, reminds the brain that this is information that's important, worthy of remembering. It also makes it easier to jot down notes about a dream.

Immediately upon waking — whether it be first thing in the morning or in the middle of the night — snatch up the pen and paper and write down anything and everything that can be recalled from the dream. Don’t worry about order, just write as many details as possible. Describe every sight, sound, and feeling, paying special attention to colors and numbers. After this is done, one can use the notes to write a more final draft by placing the details in the correct order and filling in missing details.

What Kind of Dream Was It?

The final stage in remembering dreams is to determine what kind of dream has been remembered. Some dreams require a great deal of study and interpretation. Others do not. In order to know what type of dream it is, there are some questions to ask.

First, the dream must be examined to see if it resembles any of the events that occurred the previous day. Some believe that when the dream deals with the day's events, it's the mind's way of processing the details of what has occurred. An in-depth analysis is usually not required for these dreams. If the dream does not fit this mode, then further analysis is necessary.

It must be determined if a dream is literal or symbolic. Generally, a literal dream is one that actually makes sense. As silly as this sounds, it’s true. Literal dreams are dreams in which the characters or images represent the real people or things. If something in the dream doesn’t make sense, the dream is probably symbolic instead. As an example, no matter how literal the dream seems, if everyone has blue faces, then there’s probably some symbolic interpretation necessary.

Symbolic dreams are dreams in which the characters and images present cannot be taken literally. A flying dog, for instance, should not be interpreted literally, but symbolically. If this is the case with a particular dream, then interpretation is necessary.

Training the mind to successfully recall the complete events in a dream can be a difficult task. Continuing to affirm that “I will remember my dreams,” will assist in this, as will faithfully recording every dream. Eventually, the memories will come easier, but this takes time and dedication.

Dream Interpretation and Symbology

There are many different opinions regarding dreams and their interpretation. Some swear by the various dream dictionaries that can be found, both online and in the bookstore. Others consider these frivolous and limited in their helpfulness. The best approach is probably somewhere in between.

Interpreting the Symbols in Dreams

Even with the most respected of dream dictionaries, almost all of the symbols found within its pages have various meanings and interpretations. Some symbols will even have contradictory meanings, leaving the seeker perhaps even more confused than before they picked up the book.

This being the case, it is perhaps not a good idea to rely solely on any type of dream dictionary. In the end, the interpretation of dream symbols can only be done by the dreamer. The most important factors are the dream, the symbol itself, and intuition.

Beginning with a dream dictionary is probably a good idea, at least to start. Look up the interpretation of a particular symbol. However, instead of taking this information literally, it is perhaps best to use this as a jumping-off point, so to speak. Take the book’s definition and, if it doesn’t seem just right, adapt it to suit what does feel right; this feeling is intuition, and should be obeyed when interpreting dreams. If the book definition goes completely against intuition, it's generally believed that it's best to go with one's intuition instead.

People in Dreams

Seeing people in a dream — even familiar people — does not necessarily indicate that the dream is about that particular person in terms of its meaning. In general, principle characters in a dream actually represent an aspect of the dreamer's personality, tendencies or another aspect of self.

In this manner, an argument with another person, no matter who it is, usually represents an inner conflict. On the other hand, interactions with people in dreams can also indicate inner harmony. It is the form of interaction that is important here, not necessarily the individual people involved.

Types of Dreams

Dreams are a combination of extremely complex symbols, both connected and independent. For the most part, dreams are analytical in nature, meaning that they are a way for the higher self to give its input on everyday life. These dreams analyze interactions with the world, including, but not limited to interactions with the environment and other people.

Some dreams are therapeutic. The percentage of therapeutic dreams varies from person to person. Those people suffering from an inferiority complex will, of necessity, have more therapeutic dreams than a truly strong, confident person. Of course, someone with a feeling of superiority will also have therapeutic dreams, though of a different sort. Therapeutic dreams are the higher self’s way of attempting to overcome character defects.

Prophetic Dreams

Most dreams are not prophetic in nature. The percentage of dreams that are directly concerning the future in a prophetic fashion is perhaps 5% for most people. Many people assume that a dream that seems to concern the future is a prophetic dream. Generally speaking, this is a mistake.

There are a number of ways to determine if a dream is perhaps prophetic. Some of these are:

• Dreams that are in full color and exceptionally clear;
• Very easy to remember; if the dream is easily forgotten, then it wasn’t likely prophetic;
• Clear messages are delivered, perhaps even dates; and
• Dreams are structured, with a definite beginning, middle, and end.

Dreams that follow this pattern should be recorded in detail. It can later be determined if they were, indeed, prophetic in nature. It's believed that prophetic dreams are often a communication from the "higher self" that's intended to prepare the dreamer for what is to come. For instance, a prophetic dream can lessen the shock of a potentially traumatic event.

Recording Dreams

The most important part of interpreting dreams is probably recording them in the first place. It is difficult to attempt a thorough dream interpretation if there is no source, and dreams tend to fade with time. Therefore, it is best if the dreamer keeps a journal next to the bed. Immediately upon waking, the dreams should be recorded, even if it’s the middle of the night.

Interpreting dreams should be mainly a matter of intuition. While book definitions can be helpful in the matter of dream interpretation, it is important to remember that these are merely suggestions. They are not rules.